Ever since I was a little girl, I tried as hard as I could to avoid doing anything that required real work, especially if the task at hand was something I simply didn't care about. At 20, in my second year of college, I have officially perfected the art of procrastination. It's a delicate art, not to be taken lightly, and truly understood by only a few.
As it happens, right now I'm supposed to be researching and writing an 8-10 page paper that's due on Thursday and counts for 65% of my grade in that class. But I'm not. I haven't even started. You see, the key to perfect procrastination is to actually do something other than what you're supposed to be doing. If you sit around on your duff and waste away your time, you run the risk of feeling guilty later, and as this is supposed to be a pleasurable activity, guilt is something to be avoided. The best thing you can do is to accomplish something else: something not required of you, something optional that doesn't require much effort, something you want to do, that you're excited about doing, perhaps that you've been putting off because you haven't had the chance. This way, you've actually been productive, you've haven't technically wasted any of your time, so there's nothing to feel guilty about and you can be proud of your accomplishment.
What about later, you ask? Well. The second step to procrastinating properly is something much more difficult to master. This is the part where you actually do what you've been so carefully and joyously avoiding. Now, what makes this part so difficult is that you must leave yourself just enough time to finish your task before the deadline. This extreme pressure gives you an adrenaline rush that, along with whatever caffeinated beverages and stimulating drugs you've been downing, allows you to stay awake and focused so you can properly complete your task, and actually do it well.
The best part, the part that it's mostly all about, is when you've finished, and you can sit back and mentally crown yourself with a laurel wreath and throw yourself a a party for being so awesome, because you did what you needed to do AND you were productive earlier. Double whammy.
I know procrastinating isn't for everyone. Some people just can't handle the risky roller coaster of thrills. That's okay.
As for me? I'm going to finish this sandwich sitting next to my laptop, probably get some ice cream from the kitchen, maybe make a few phone calls, and eventually study for my final exam this afternoon. The paper will have to wait for a more appropriate occasion.
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